The Path I've Tread
by ElementalStarRanger
Summary: He went home that night. And wept as only the truly damned can weep. Oneshot. Peter-centric. What led Peter Pettigrew to walk the path he chose? T for maybe minor swearing. Mostly just in case. Please review and let me know what you think.


They were four, forever and ever. It was a serious promise, for the eleven year-old boys. Years later, it would be forgotten, but it was Peter who thought of the name Marauders. When he was young, too young for Hogwarts yet, his mother, a halfblood though few knew it, told him stories of brave Captain Sinbad. Brave Sinbad, who gave treasures to strangers, and fought giant birds and sea monsters. A Marauder with honor, as he told his new-found friends late at night in the dormitory, that first night when the castle was overwhelming in it's size, and he needed to be brave, just like the Hat had told him he could be.

Sirius had liked it, because Sinbad had left behind his family to go on adventures. James liked the idea of adventuring too, but also that the brave sailor had outwitted a giant snake. "Shows you that anyone who is brave AND smart can outwit the slimy snakes." Remus, his oddly scarred face (they wouldn't learn the reason for months yet) smiling gently, just commented on how nice Sinbad was to Hindbad, the poor servant who Sinbad regaled with his stories, and made his life-long friend.

And so the Marauders were born.

* * *

"Come on Peter! You can do it!" Remus encouraged the smaller, blond teen as Sirius, newly christened Padfoot, and James, already named Prongs, pranced and cavorted about the clearing in the Forbidden Forest. Remus, of course, couldn't change, but he smiled each time Peter managed to change his ears, or made his nose twitch uncontrollably, sprouting whiskers that looked ridiculous on his human face.

"Wait...wait! I-I think!" Peter stuttered as his teeth abruptly changed shape in his mouth, and he felt himself shrinking. Great, heavy folds of cloth surrounded him, and the world was _alive_ with smells and strange colors the human mind could never interpret.

"Oi! He's a rat! Look at his tail! It's like a wriggling worm!" Sirius laughed as, now back a human, pushed aside Peter's shirt, revealing the mas of grey-brown fur and trembling whiskers. Peter flinched at the loud sounds, darting over to Remus and hiding by the other boy's side.

"Sirius, keep your voice down. Rats have much keener ears than humans, or werewolves even. Your voice would hurt a skeleton's head, let alone poor Peter's," Remus admonished, slowly and gently picking Peter up off the ground, running a finger over his head and down to the tail.

Peter looked up at Remus, whiskers twitching as he gave a rodent smile.

He had done it! He, Peter Pettigrew, had become an animagus!

* * *

War. It was almost an everyday thing now, and all the more terrible for it. Peter watched as everyone went still, eyes locked on the owl that flew into the Great Hall. Murmurs were silent, hardly anyone dared to breathe, until it started towards the Hufflepuff table, and three-quarters of the school dared to breathe again.

Half the table joined the rest as it headed towards the far side, and finally all but one girl gave a silent sigh of relief, and felt horrible that they felt so, when they knew what was about to happen.

Peter watched as shaking hands took the Ministry envelope, so starched and crisp it could give you a cut just by touching it, it seemed. Even the owl seemed to pause for a moment, as if wishing it didn't have to perform this duty, before it took wing, acknowledging the inevitable. Already the new Head of Hufflepuff, Professor Sprout (new as she had replaced the former Professor who had gone missing last summer) was getting to her feet, bustling towards the girl.

"No...no...no no No No NO NO NONONONO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It was a scream of deepeset agony and grief, descending into wordless sound as the girl clutched at the letter, sobbing desperately. She screamed and screamed, as if she herself were feeling the awful Cruciatus Curse.

Peter winced, and bent his head over his breakfast, trying to drive the sound from his mind with thoughtless eating. He had already gained fifeteen pounds this semester, simply because he ate until breakfast was over, trying to ignore the screaming and sobbing of heartbroken classmates.

"Poor Alice," James murmured, watching the round-faced girl be led away by Professor Sprout. Frank Longbottom, Alice's boyfriend and soon-to-be betrothed, got to his feet and hurried after the teacher and student.

"And so ends another Ancient and Noble Family," Sirius said with a sigh. Peter blinked, and remembered. Alice had only a younger brother, too young for Hogwarts, and her parents, both only children. The letter...the fact that it came from the Ministry and not a family member said it all.

Alice was the last of her family.

Another plate emptied, and Peter numbly filled it again, trying to ignore the fear of receiving his own letter from home. No one knew, he reminded himself. No one knew his mother was a halfblood, and he prayed to God or whoever would listen that it would stay that way.

* * *

They knew.

Peter, his back to the wall, slid down and hid his face against his knees.

Lucius Malfoy, a fellow seventh year and prime Death Eater recruit, knew his mother was a halfblood. Knew that his grandmother was a muggleborn, living in the muggle world after his grandfather had died. Of course that meant his father was a blood-traitor, for knowingly marrying a halfblood...his family was doomed.

 _What can I do? There's nothing I can do they're going to die and it's all my fault._

All because stupid Sirius had to open his stupid bloody mouth. Or he never could resist an opportunity to pick on Snivellus, who of course gave as good as he got. This time picking out the name of the Marauders. Sirius, unable to resist spouting off knowledge he was sure no one else knew, began regalling all who could hear with tales of the brave Captain Sinbad, who slew evil snakes like Snivellus, and promptly said that even Peter knew more aout bravery from Sinbad that any slimy Slytherin.

"Stupid stupid...how could he have been so stupid?!" Peter growled through his clenched teeth, angry tears gathering in his eyes. A small voice asked how Lucius Malfoy of all people could have known the story of Sinbad originated in the Muggle World, but fear and anger overrode that voice. All that mattered was that Sirius' loud mouth had prompted somebody to look into Peter's family, and discovered the muggleborn in his family tree.

 _Three months...just after graduation...i have that long to decide between my family...or my brothers._

It was impossible. James, Sirius, Remus...they were as much his family as his own mother and father.

 _Except it was Sirius who told. It's Sirius' fault they know. If only he could have kept his bloody mouth shut!_ Fury rose, hot and scalding in his throat. Sirius who blabbed, and James who egged him on. And Remus...

 _Remus did nothing to stop them. he's just as bad as them. he doesn't care, so long as no one knows about his being a werewolf._

The voice in his head sound a lot like Malfoy's, but it didn't matter.

The seeds of anger and fear were planted, growing into tendrils of twisting hate, that smothered brotherly love.

As angry tears slid down his round cheeks, the light in Peter Pettigrew began to dim a little.

* * *

"Do you ssswear to serve your Lord, Wormtail?" the voice, high and cold, used his nickname mockingly. Peter flinched, trembling, and couldn't bear to meet those bright red eyes.

"I-I...I s-swear...M-milord," he stuttered, and though it disgusted him to do so, he leaned forward on his knees and kissed the hem of the black robes.

"Good. Very good. You will be my ssspy, Wormtail. You have yet to earn my Dark Mark, and ssso you ssshall be my eyesss and earsss within the Order of the Phoenix. How...appropriate for your form."

"P-please...m-milord...my family..."

The next thing out of Peter's mouth was a scream, a horrible scream as agony unlike anything he had ever felt burned and tore through his body, much to the amusement of the Malfoys, Lucius and his father Abraxas, who had brought Peter to be sworn to their lord.

"Brave little rodent," Voldemort sneered as he ended the curse, leaving Peter trembling violently on the floor before him. "But...a promissse isss a promissse. Very well, Wormtail. If you bring me ussseful information, your family ssshall remain...sssafe."

"Thank you Milord...thank you..."

He was ordered to leave, barely able to walk for the pain wracking his body, but slowly he drew on what inner strength he had left, and managed to apparate to his little flat, and collapse into bed.

* * *

"Isn't he the most perfect baby ever born?" James proclaimed proudly, showing off the picture of his newborn son to several members of the Order. "Lily says his eyes won't stay blue for long. All babies are born with blue eyes, regardless of their parents' coloring. And he's got the thinnest wisps of hair, it's impossible to tell what color it will end up."

Peter shuffled nervously, but had to admit James and Lily made a good-looking kid. The boy wasn't even two weeks old yet, but stared at the camera unblinkingly, clutching the little stuffed griffin toy Sirius had bought as a gift for his godson. Of course everyone knew about the newborn, as James would never bloody shut up about it. You'd think Lily was the first woman to give birth, the way he went on.

"Gods, I hope he gets Lily's eyes. I wouldn't wish my eyesight on my worst enemy's kid. You'd think magic could fix things like bad eyes," James said with a laugh, then threw an arm around Peter's shoulders, either missing or ignoring the rounder man's flinch. "See Peter? isn't he adorable? He's going to be quite the heartthrob when he grows up, trust me. He'll be breaking hearts as a wee firstie. Especially with his Uncle Peter there to tell him how to be a Marauder, eh Pete? You'll tell him all the stories of Sinbad, just like you told us way back in school."

"Yeah. S-sure, James. How can he go wrong with Sinbad?" Peter said with a nervous laugh, running a hand through his thinning hair. Granted, James was thinning up top too. The war was causing everyone to show signs of stress, one way or another.

Compared to Alastor, going bald wasn't the worst way to show it.

"Wonder where Remus is. Hope he's doing alright," James said as he looked around, then nodded as Albus came into the room, wearing a deep frown. Peter watched as he waved James over, muttered lowly that, even with his keen ears, Peter couldn't make out what was being said.

Whatever it was seemed important, as James lost the happy gleam fatherhood put into his eyes, going solemn as he so often was these days, before leaving with Dumbledore to continue the conversation elsewhere.

Meanwhile, Peter tuned in as Fabian and Gideon laid out their plans for baiting a trap for the Death Eaters, and Peter hardened his heart again, and listened very carefully.

* * *

"Hey...Pete. Can you come home with me after the meeting?" James asked lowly, pulling Peter aside. "I've got a favor to ask you."

"Sure James. Although if it's another toy broomstick, you're out of luck. Lily made it clear the next one to let Harry on one will be sprouting boils for a year in unmentionable places," Peter said with a chuckle.

It was so much easier to pretend to be happy, he thought distantly. Laughing in the right places, going along with the conversation. It stood out less, to be seen as a source of cheer for others. So many of the Order members commended him on keeping his chin up, on being a source of laughter for those who so desperately needed it. Hadn't Authur even thanked him when he got some Zonko's pranks, small and safe ones, for the twins just last week? Only three and they were already feisty scamps, getting into everything they could get their little hands on. Of course, don't tell Molly, but it gave him something to look forward to when he got home, Authur said. To here Molly complain about the twins hi jinks rather than crying was a small miracle each evening.

Peter smiled and waved it off, saying he was glad to help, even as the light inside grew dimmer bit by bit each day, dying a little more each time one of the deaths he was responsible for was mentioned.

Another meeting, listening and worrying and pay attention whiling seeming to tune out some parts. It was almost tedious, if he wasn't so worried of being discovered.

And afterwords, he hoped to relax a little. Mayhaps James would ask him to go grocery shopping for them again, and Peter could visit his mother in the muggle world on his way to the store. His father had passed away last year of dragonpox, just an unfortunate accident, rather than murder. It came out of right field, as the Muggles said. When so much death and destruction around, that something as simple as sickness could kill seemed...strangely anti-climatic. He could visit his Mother, reassure himself she was safe. Offer to pick up a couple of pumpkins for her to decorate for the upcoming holiday. And when he got to the store, put everything out of mind for a few short hours. No spying, no betraying or death or growing hatred and disgust every time he looked in the mirror.

For those few short hours, he was just a man, shopping for his brother's family because they were busy with a newborn.

 _How long before He breaks my mind for their location?_ Peter wondered, not even daring to name his Dark Master, even in his own thoughts. _I know the Secret, but can't reveal it. Why though? Why must they hide?_

* * *

Oh Gods, why me?

That was all Peter could think as he held James' hand, Sirius acting as the binder. Not an Unbreakable Vow, but the Fidelius was along the same lines. Peter watched as the silver strands of magic transferred from Sirius to himself, and he felt the Secret settle in his mind, his heart, his very soul.

 _No...no don't you understand?! You can't do this! Take it back! Take it back before it kills us all!_ that far away, almost squashed voice screamed through his mind, but the words got stuck in his throat. Never more did he want to spill everything than in that one single moment. _It wasnt Remus, it was me! I did it I told Him! I had to! Please! Please don't make me do this!_

Again the words burned and longed to spring forth, and would not pass his lips.

"Don't worry Peter," Sirius said, looking for all the world like the word he played at. "You'll be safe, I promise. Everyone will think it was me. Not even Dumbledore knows, just in case. I...I don't think Remus is the traitor but..." he shrugged, into the living room where Harry, only a year old, sat and played with a Sinbad figurine. "He's my godson, Peter. He...he might as well be my son, as much as he is James'." And Peter stared in amazement as Sirius wiped away a couple of tears from his eyes. "Heh...you know...someday we'll all be old together, and sit and laugh about what a wuss I am today...but Gods...I would die for that kid..." he looked up, meeting Peter's eyes. "For you too, Peter. I...I know I wasn't the greatest of friends in school..but...I love you, and James, and Remus...you're my true brothers, Peter. Regulus, he was all too glad to go the way my parents wanted of him, and look where it got him." A scowl passed his face, and then he sighed. "Just...know that I'm going to keep you safe, Peter. As far as everyone knows, I'm the Secret Keeper, and you'll be off on a mission, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure thing, Padfoot. In fact, I'm going to lock up my place tonight, and tomorrow head out for Mum's. She'll need restocking on groceries anyway." Who's voice was that, speaking so casually? Surely it wasn't his? Not after Sirius had poured his heart out like that. Not after he had been granted the Secret, and knew he would be his friends', his _brothers'_ , downfall?

* * *

He went home that night.

And wept as only the truly damned could weep.

* * *

"Good, Wormtail. You have proven yourssself worthy. Rissse, and know that you are among my faithful."

Peter stood, forcing himself to stand straight even as he wished to curl in a ball and disappear, the soul-deep agony of his new Mark burning into his flesh. And knew that it came nothing close to the pain he would feel when asked to speak again.

"Now, Wormtail, my faithful Death Eater, what isss the Sssecret?"

 **Author's Note- This is the first in a series of oneshots. I was inspired, and wondered what could have led Peter down his path. Please, comment and review, and let me know what you think.**


End file.
